Ten Things to Tell Your Kids When You Don’t Want Them Touching Any More of that Freakin’ Halloween Candy

It’s come and gone again. The Second Most Wonderful Time of the Year is in the books for 2016.

We had a very sweet (pun intended, wah wah) time trick or treating with our little Minions in our neighborhood this Halloween, and it was awesome to be able to take our time going house to house and listen to their happy little “Trick or treats!” at every stop.

But we all know the havoc that The Sugar can wreak. Somehow the favorite treat from one of the most fun nights of the year can turn our little Tinies to monsters. So in solidarity with my parent friends everywhere, I present you with…

Ten Things to Tell Your Kids When You Don’t Want Them Touching Any More of that Freakin’ Halloween Candy

Feel free to pick and choose your weapons. You’re gonna need ‘em.

  1. The Lie: “The dog ate it!”
  2. The Lie, Part Two: “Daddy ate it!” (Only good when Daddy is not in the room. Strike that—only good when he’s not within a 5 mile radius.)
  3. The “Oh, Silly Mommy!”: “I can’t seem to find it right now. Let’s look for it after lunch/dinner/school/nap/fill-in-the blank!”
  4. The Stretch:  “You ate it all last night!” (Only good for 2-year-olds and under.)
  5. The Cold Hard Truth: “Eating too much sugar will make your belly hurt. You don’t want to feel sick and have to go to the doctor, do you??”
  6. The I-Can’t-Hear-You: “Did you say Randy? Is that your new imaginary friend??! How cute!!!”
  7. The Distraction: “Did you guys hear that sound outside? I think that’s the ice cream truck!!”
  8. The Re-Direct: “I do know where it is, but first let’s look at (Insert favorite book/app/movie name) again!”
  9. The Hideaway: “You know what? Mommy put the candy somewhere, but I just can’t seem to remember!”
  10. The Cut and Run: No words. Just sprint. Head for your closet and don’t look back. Grab a Three Musketeers on your way.

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