I Put My Kid in a Shark Tank (and Other Things from the Fourth of July Weekend)
I would sure love to tell you that the title of this post is a lie, meant to get you to click on this article.
Before I tell you the mental short circuit that led to the above-mentioned moment, let me assure you that she’s all good. They were bamboo sharks, which if Wikipedia is to be believed, are “harmless to humans.”
So there you go.
It is to be noted as well, that this particular lapse in judgment occurred in an otherwise banner week for my mothering skills. Within mere days of The Shark Incident with my older daughter, I also chose the most prime location to nurse the baby—who was screaming so bloodcurdlingly in the car that I would have pulled into quicksand if I had to—the Orange County Jail Visitors’ Center! That’s right! That lady you see with her shirt up over her shoulder, parked in her minivan amongst a sea of armored cars—that’s me! Hey Mom! I’ve finally made it!!
And because the Bad Parenting Trifecta wouldn’t have been complete without some offense to my son, I also—in the midst of yet another lapse in judgment—told him, after he said he had to pee while we were driving, to urinate into a plastic bag. In a moving van.
Yes, I have lost my mind.
And yes, Andrew thankfully put the kibosh on that brilliant idea.
So, all of this to say, even though our Fourth of July proper was relatively tame, it was bookended by some serious Awesome Parenting on my part.
Who needs fireworks when you can spend your nights laughing at your horrible decision making, eh, my friends?
(So, a quick explainer on the whole shark tank fiasco. We were at the Tampa Aquarium and had just left the “touch the stingrays” exhibit, and when we saw another open pool of water with something swimming in it one floor down, I assumed that it was another hands-on exhibit. Clearly, it was not. Also, it was just her hand, and just for a few seconds. And also, thank God for my very aware and with-it husband whose horrified scream snapped me out of my brain fog. Anyhow, moving on.)
So what else did we do this Fourth of July long weekend besides almost get cited by child protective services?
Unlike the rest of the city of Orlando, it seems, we decided to stay around town and not hightail it to the beach (too hot for the baby), and instead chill out around our normal digs. We swam in the pool, grilled out, went to the mall (#becauseairconditioning), hung out with family, had a date night at Chipotle and Target (try to control your jealous rage) and just, well, soaked it all in.
I made this incredible dessert from one of my favorite blogs, Living with Landyn, and then proceeded to eat about a third of it in one sitting.
We also checked out the lot where we are building our house, and guess what? The foundation is being poured! Aaaah! I can’t believe it’s starting. It’s been just a concept for so long, and to see actual things happening is just surreal. I promise to keep you all posted on its progress!
I leave you with this picture as proof that I still got it. Sometimes.
See you this week with so much more! Some exciting things are coming up in this space!