The Tiny Comedians Among Us

Remember that TV show “Kids Say the Darndest Things?” It was such a wild success because there has never been a truer statement about raising children.

Sometimes I wonder who came in and swapped out my kid for the latest auditionee on Last Comic Standing. The timing, the creativity, the out-of-nowhere non sequitirs… It’s pretty unbelievable for people who have such limited life experience.

But truly, having kids is a freaking blast. Past all the exhaustion, body destruction and all-around loss of your previous life, it is a laugh-a-minute verbal carnival. And these little moments are reminders of why it’s all worth it, and who knows, maybe they’re a peek into their future personalities as well.

I’m doing my best to document these moments, to try to remember some of these gems. Because when the teenage years hit, I’m told interactions with kids go from “harmless and funny” to “frustrating and rage-inducing.”

So here’s to enjoying the simpler moments. 

Here are just a few recent gems.

Me, to my soon-to-be 4-year-old daughter:

“You know I love you so much and would do anything for you, right?”

4: [Beat.]

“Well why don’t you go and get me some blush and lipstick then?”

(This is the same child who called tooting “butt shivers.”)

Also from 4, moments after I deftly parallel parked our car before school dropoff, and with the sincerest look on her face:

“Mom, that car pulled so fucking close to us.”

And a favorite marathon exchange from bedtime with our 5-year-old son:

“I love your little fingernails.”

[One minute passes.]

“In the morning, can I put pants on my head?”

[Another minute passes.]

[Makes a heart shape with his fingers, then breaks it.] “Don’t worry mama. We will find a way to get the heart back. We will glue it! [Pause.] it’s back! The perfect size.”

[Seconds pass. Hums “Bad Romance.”]

“Dada says a werewolf will come into my bed. What state are they in?”

And… scene.

There is nothing else to say but… Kids. Have them if you want to laugh.

Sonni Abatta is a wife, a mom of three and a writer who runs this Orlando lifestyle and mom blog, and – despite the frequency with which she seems to do it – someone who does not actually enjoy writing about herself in the third person.

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