Motherhood is Messy. Thankfully I Know How to Clean it Up.

It should come as a surprise to no one that massive amounts of watermelon and birthday cake do not mix well in any environment, especially if said environment is your toddler’s stomach, shortly before bedtime.

Before I continue, let me say this: You all know I just love a gross story about parenthood.I mean, coming from the lady who got reamed out for dropping four-letter words in a bathroom after her kid was slimed, to sending her (non-potty-trained) toddler to school without a diaper (and paid the very stinky consequences), and much, much more, I just happen to be someone who believes that the journey of motherhood is so much more fun this way… you know, when you share your hard-earned wisdom and realize that you’re not the only one who’s literally wading through crap daily.And you know what makes getting up repeatedly in the middle of the night a little better? Talking about it.

So, where were we? Yes. Watermelon and cake.

Backstory: My husband and I typically get a visit from our Middle (who just turned 4) every night. It can be 11pm, or it can be 3am, but two things are virtually guaranteed: 1 – We will hear her plaintively crying from the top of the stairs for “Mommmmeeeeee!!!” (because only Mom will do when it is 3am and there are snuggles to be doled out), and I will have to carry her down the stairs, grab her some water, and make sure Blankie is along for the ride; and 2 – She will inevitably burrow her way between us in a manner that will require my husband to seek shelter for the rest of the night in another bedroom. (Ironically, usually hers.)So when we got our regular visit from Middle the other night and all those boxes were checked, I was a little surprised to see her sit back up abruptly in the darkness and stare for a minute, wordlessly. And then, the moment all parents know but never really know quickly enough to stop from happening–The Vomit.

With young kids, The Vomit always comes out of nowhere and most likely on top of a surface that is valuable in some way to the parents.

 If said surface is not expensive, per se, it is at the very least a surface that is very porous and otherwise incredibly difficult to clean from said puke. Because that’s how the universe–and The Vomit–works. It is there to make things as hard for you as possible. (What kind of a parent would you be, after all, if you don’t have to comb through vomit to prove your abilities?)I will spare you the rest of the gory details, except to say that you can imagine the texture I was dealing with when watermelon and birthday cake (with red icing) were the final two items on the menu that night. And the target was our new gleaming white bedspread, in our (more or less) new master bedroom, in our (more or less) new house.Because that’s how the universe–and The Vomit–works. It is there to make things as hard for you as possible. (What kind of a parent would you be, after all, if you don’t have to comb through vomit to prove your abilities?)Luckily for me–and unluckily for any and all bile that’s hell bent on making my days that much messier–I have found a serious miracle product that removes stains LIKE NO ONE’S BUSINESS.The Honest Company’s Stain Remover is a serious miracle worker. And I don’t use that term lightly.I have used this stuff on everything from run-of-the-mill pasta sauce on clothing, to Nutella on fabric chairs, to–now–bright red vomit on a white bedspread. And it works every single time, without fail. I recommend it on a regular basis to just about anyone who will listen.


Note: If you’re using this and want the best results, always apply as quickly as you can (after rinsing off any chunks, of course… I know, gross but true), let sit for about five minutes, and then wash–this is important–in cold water. I heard somewhere that warm water sets stains, and that seems to be what happens when I wash in warm. Remember: Quick, Sit, Cold.Do that all, and you too, my friend, can master The Vomit. …And any other messy moment motherhood may dole out to you. 

What’s your best stain-busting tip? I’m all ears!

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