Don’t Let the Lockdown Steal Your Sex Life: How to Get in the Mood When You’re Stressed

how to get in the mood when you're stressed

I’m all for a turning-lemons-into-lemonade moment, and so I’ve been dedicating the past five episodes of my podcast (are you listening yet?! You’re missing out if not!) to topics that can help us all feel a little better, calmer and more connected during the pandemic.

It’s been amazing picking the brains of experts on everything from boosting your immune system to the calming effects of CBD and how much to take. And today, class? Today we’re talking your sex life. Because let’s be honest: Getting down is the last thing on your mind right now. But Sarah Rice and I are here to help!

How to Get in the Mood When You're Stressed

Sorry Honey, I Have a Headache

I don’t want to play into the old gender stereotypes. But for some reason, women always get the blame for a bad sex life. Like, sorry we need a little mental stimulation first, fellas.

I always say, you can’t go right from Mom Mode to Marvin Gaye Mode without a little bit of a transition. A break in the action, if you will.

For many of us, nights are the time when we’re helping kids do homework, get to bed, cleaning up the house after pets or other creature-that-poop-who-need-our-help. And the bottom line is, sex can feel the last thing you’re interested in.

That’s why, when I interviewed therapy associate Sarah Rice, who practices in California and is the host of the amazing Brain Candy Podcast along with Susie Meister, I had to ask: Do we just put sex to the side in times of incredible stress? The answer? No! Not if you don’t want to.

Getting There

The whole “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” thing took such a strong hold in our pop culture vernacular because–as anyone in a heterosexual relationship will tell you–WE DIFFERENT.

And it’s good! Right? I mean, I love lots of the traditionally masculine characteristics of my husband, but there’s no denying that women and men are motivated by distinct factors to get busy. When it comes down to it, what gets us there is different. 

That’s why I love that Sarah Broke down the best way to get in the mood–one thing for guys, and one thing for women. And it’s super simple.

For Men? Get Away... Far, Far Away

Sarah’s advice for a guy to get in the mood when the environment is stressful (HI COVID), and you aren’t on your normal routine? Time alone.

She says that men can bring home stress from their day, whether they’re working out of the home or at home, and that stress needs an outlet. A workout, a walk, a few minutes to decompress in a separate room from the rest of the family… These can all be tactics to allow him to relax, and put that important line of demarcation between a stressful day, and time that should be spent at home with loved ones.

For Women, Call up a Friend

Okay okay… hold on. I promise this isn’t as weird as it sounds.

Sarah says women are innately creatures of connection, and creating some space to connect with other people important to us, like a Zoom call with friends (until happy hours are no longer verboten!) can give us that sense of connection that in turn makes us more likely to want to connect with our partner, too.

During the lockdown/quarantine, this could mean a quick phone or video chat with friends–or some other moment that allows you to laugh, let out some stress, and find a true moment of connection outside of your partner.

But Wait, There's More!

Sarah and I get into so much more about how to keep your relationship strong and solid during this crazy time. Be sure to check out the whole episode here!

I usually like to ask a question at the end of every blog post, but don’t worry, I’m staying outta your business this time, sister. 😉 Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe to the 30 Something with Sonni Podcast for more weekly shows and hot topics!

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