First things first, nope, I’m not pregnant again.
But after interviewing multiple experts on my podcast about the wacky and wild experience of growing another human inside your body, I thought it would be helpful to break down some real talk about pregnancy. You know, the stuff that no one likes to say out loud.
Let’s dig in!
Getting There is Not Easy
This is not a lie: When I was trying to get pregnant and couldn’t and literally the ENTIRE CHILDBEARING FEMALE POPULATION surrounding me (or so it seemed) was getting pregnant, I would go into my car and scream cry like a total wackadoo. Like, bang my hands on the steering wheel angry. Not a good look, but I’m not here to lie to you. I was angry.
And that’s the thing with trying to get pregnant: It doesn’t always happen quickly, or easily.
One of the most interesting tips I heard was from a friend and fellow blogger, Meghan Yost, who ended up getting pregnant after doing what’s called an HSG test. It’s supposed to check if your fallopian tubes are blocked, but anecdotally, some women have said that after doing this test, it was easier to conceive.
Nope, I’m not a doctor, but you decide. It’s an option that, at the very least, will tell you something more about what’s going on with your body.
Otherwise, if it’s taking longer than expected (over 1 year for anyone under 30, over 6 months for anyone 30 and older), call your OB-GYN.
The amazing, incredible board-certified OB-GYN and mom of 2, Dr. LaKrystal Warren talks all about what constitutes infertility in the different age brackets, and what to do if you’re having trouble getting pregnant, in these seriously incredible episodes of my podcast. Listen to Part One for all the pregnancy talk! (Part Two is pretty amazing too.)
Yes, you already know your uterus and belly area stretch when you get pregnant. But did you know that lots of women also say their facial features—especially their noses—seem to “spread” late in pregnancy?
I’m serious, guys… I look back at photos of myself in my third trimester and the spread was REAL for me. Small price to pay to bring a human being into the world, but ya know… just more proof that there’s no room for vanity in pregnancy. #facts
Also, forget seeing your own vagina—at least while you’re standing—from about the beginning of your third trimester on. If you’re a bikini shaver, Godspeed. I stuck with waxes for that reason. HashtagWhereIsMyVagina
Speaking of Vaginas…
Thank GOD I’m not some buttoned-up, super classy aspirational blogger, or someone with even a shred of decency or shame… because I wouldn’t be able to get these words out without blushing if I were. Here we go. You get a lot of discharge when you’re pregnant. Panty liners can be your best friend.
But don’t be grossed out! You’re MAKING A DAMN HUMAN BEING. Shit is going to get knocked out of place in there. And if this grosses you out? Good luck giving birth. And flushing out your vag with a plastic squirter bottle. And dealing with potential hemmorhoids. Cleaning up your baby’s crap. Unclogging your milk ducts. And on and on and on.
TLDR? Buck up, honey. Like John Mayer said, your body is a wonderland.
People Will Randomly Touch Your Belly: You Will Care, or You Won’t
For the record, I didn’t give a crap when a stranger (usually older woman) would touch my belly. I loved rubbing up on that thing –like, straight up Meghan Markle style—and didn’t want to deny some nice old lady the similar pleasure.
But if you’re not as down with casual simple assault as I am, come up with a standard line. Try something like, “Just a warning… I’m feeling a little nauseous right now and when people touch me I tend to vomit quickly.”
Or, “Oooh, that feels good. Now scratch a little higher… Yes. Riiiight there. Now a touch faster. Thanks!”
Or simply back away. You know… Your body, your call.
Contrary to What Instagram Might Tell You, Pregnant Women Aren’t Radiant All the Time
Listen, I’ve been guilty of this… Proudly showing off my baby bump in pictures to share with friends and family, or the whole damn world on Instagram. But the truth is, it ain’t always pretty. And that’s okay.
I got a full-on body rash when I was pregnant with our third. Like, B-A-D. So bad, I scratched my legs until I was almost bleeding.
I came to find out that some women experience unexplained rashes during pregnancy, sometimes during periods when your hormones are surging. Mine came right at the end of my first trimester into my second, and subsided after about a week and a half.
Again, not a doctor, but also… here to tell you that if you experience this too, it’s not at all abnormal.